PROLOGUE: The Flight

What I know about my twenty hour trip from New York to Fukuoka Japan has been scribbled on a few tear-stained napkins.  The notes make it sound bad. Really, really bad.  My guess is that as bad as you might imagine 16 hour business-class flight could be, this was worse.

My labored transcription follows:

Hour 1: Well the plane’s taken off, and I won’t be seeing everything I love and hold dear for another year or so.  I don’t think the gravity of the situation has really gotten to me yet, but I’m sure it will eventually.  Compared to the last trip at least, I’m doing much better!  Only man-tears have been shed. Current rations look good – 3 kitkats that Kate packed for me, eight souvenir “I <3 NY” chocolate bars (last resort only) and 2 packages complementary rice snacks.

Also, they’ve got the original karate kid!

Hour 4: So I’m sitting between two chinese travelers, Yu (?) and Frank. They’re both pretty friendly and we’ve been talking about traveling around asia.  Both of them got the chance to spend four hours in NY and got to see all the important stuff (5 minutes at the statue of liberty, 5 at the empire state, etc)  The karate kid wasn’t bad, I’m now half way through one of the Borne Identity movies but I forget which.  Rations aren’t holding out too well, I’m down to my last kitkat. But I hear the first in-flight meal is coming around soon!

Hour 7: My fears about the fish have been confirmed… let it be known that even the japanese have not mastered in-flight meals.  They’ve turned the lights out now, i guess it’s sleep time, but there’s no way i could sleep in this condition.  Luckily my flight-mates have the same idea, Yu is gonna have to let me out in a minute.  Almost half way there!

Hour 11: It’s now been like a day and a half since i got any real sleep… everything hurts.  Either my stomach is so empty its eating itself, or the last meal was laced with some kind of pesticide.  The worst part is that between my twenty-minute bathroom breaks and ongoing requests for rice snacks, I’m pretty sure the flight attendant thinks I’m high.  I’m watching Cop-out tho, so hopefully I won’t be conscious much longer.

Hour 13: If there is a higher power, they have forsaken me. I’m looking at the breakfast meal… my salvation… except it has come in the form of a “chicken parmesan breakfast sandwich.”  I pray that the fate which awaits me is better than self-digestion.

Hour 14: God dammit Yu! Don’t you know if you sit for extended periods you increase your chance of brain aneurysms?

Hour 16: As we begin our decent, i feel as though a gopher is being slowly shoved into my left ear.  I’m half-def, my head hurts.  It’s cold and loud in here.  but not as loud as it SHOULD be.  Plus, I think I’m carrying rosemary’s baby.  At least I’ll soon have solid earth under my feet.

Hour 17: I am at my lowest point. That isn’t an altitude joke. My whole body is shot from carrying three times my weight in luggage to every square corner of Narita airport.  I ate more of their food… so that probably means I’ll never get to leave this hell. I can’t hear shit out of the side of my head… and I probably smell really REALLY bad.  This is not the state you’d want to be in when you make a first impression, but it looks as though my entire flight to Fukuoka is gonna be JASIN students. If i survive to see another shower and bed, I’ll become an organ donor.

Hour 18: Where am i going? I hope it’s someplace nice.  Two days without sleep must lead to shock… cuz I’m shaking uncontrollably and clutching an itchy wool blanket.  The good news is i was wrong about the exchange program thing… everyone on this flight looks korean.  I’ve got a seat to stretch out…

Hour ???: AHH STOP HER SHE’S OH GOD SHE’S EATING MY MIND

Hour ???: 4 itchy tasty…

That’s all I got.  I’m here… my stuff’s here too, so I guess things worked out at the end there.  The alternative is a “Lost”-type situation, but I’d rather not think about that.

Things get better though! Promise!  Tune in next time for:

A Tearful Reunion!

AND

Fuzzy chickens!

ALSO

Will Dr. Serizawa’s oxygen destroyer stop Jon before it’s too late?

PLUS

No more airline food!